What Are Practical Ways to Encourage Someone Walking Through a Tough Time?
We’ve all had friends or loved ones walk through difficult seasons in life. We want to encourage and support them in those moments, but sometimes our good intentions can miss the mark. Knowing how to offer meaningful encouragement can make all the difference. In this article, let’s explore practical ways to encourage people, with examples of what works well and what doesn’t.
Helpful vs. Unhelpful Encouragement
1. Listening vs. Fixing
Helpful: Be a compassionate listener.
One of the best things you can do is listen without judging or interrupting. Being there to listen shows them that they aren’t going through this alone. Sometimes, people need a safe space to vent and figure things out in their own way.
James 1.19 reminds us, “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
Unhelpful: Try to fix their problems.
It’s normal to jump in and fix things (especially for guys!), but offering quick fixes or advice can make the person feel like they’re not being heard or even make them feel more overwhelmed. Instead of jumping to conclusions, try to understand things from their point of view by actively listening. You could ask them questions that help them think through things a little deeper. (e.g., “Why do you think this makes you feel that way?”)
2. Acknowledging Their Pain vs. Minimizing It
Helpful: Acknowledge their struggles honestly.
Something as simple as “I can see this is really tough for you” can go a long way. It lets them know you get it and that it’s okay for them to feel whatever they’re feeling. This shows them you care and are willing to be there for them through tough times.
Unhelpful: Using clichés to minimize their feelings.
Phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” or “At least it’s not worse” totally miss the mark and come across as dismissive. Even if you mean well, saying that can make the person feel like their pain isn’t being taken seriously — like you just don’t get it.
3. Offering Support vs. Overpromising
Helpful: Be specific with your support.
Instead of just saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try offering something specific like “I’d love to bring you dinner sometime this week” or “If it would help, I can run some errands for you.” Doing something practical to help out can take a load off their shoulders and show them you care.
Galatians 6.2 encourages us to “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Small, thoughtful things can mean the world to someone going through a difficult season.
Unhelpful: Making promises you can’t keep.
Saying, “I’ll be there anytime you need me,” might sound good, but it can be overwhelming if you can’t follow through. It’s way better to offer smaller, more realistic ways you can help out consistently.
4. Pointing to Hope vs. Forcing Positivity
Helpful: Gently remind them of hope in God’s promises.
You could share an encouraging Bible verse or offer to pray for them. Something like Psalm 34:18, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted,” can remind them that they’re not alone and that God is with them through it all.
Proverbs 16.24 says, “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” Offer kind and uplifting words that bring encouragement and comfort.
Unhelpful: Rushing them to feel better.
When we say things like “Trust God, it’ll all be fine” or “God’s got a plan!” it may feel like you’re pushing them to get over it. Or worse, that you’re ignoring how they actually feel. Everyone processes things at their own speed, and healing takes time.
Reflecting on Encouragement
Encouragement isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being present, showing you care, and reminding them “you’re not alone.” Here are a few questions to reflect on and actions steps to become a more helpful encourager:
1) Think about a time when you were going through a challenging situation. What did people do or say that was truly encouraging? What did they do or say that wasn’t helpful? Make a list of the helpful and unhelpful things and keep it somewhere to reference it next time you want to support someone.
2) How good are you at listening without jumping in to fix things or offering advice? Practice active listening. When someone shares something with you, focus on understanding their feelings and perspective instead of planning your response or solution.
3) How comfortable are you with sitting with someone in their pain? Healing may take time, so instead of pushing positivity, offer your presence and support without judgment.
A Final Encouragement for the Encourager
Encouraging someone doesn’t have to be complicated. Small, thoughtful things can mean a lot. As you walk beside them, trust God will use your kindness and presence to make a real difference, even when you don’t know what to say.
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